I know you know that our patient was on isolation, because it’s very hard to miss: 1) the big red “ISOLATION” sign on his door, 2) the big cart outside of his room containing gowns, gloves, and masks, and 3) me, standing at the patient’s bedside wearing said garb. So when you come in ungowned and unmasked and I say, “Um, you do know that this patient is in isolation?” the correct response is not to hold up your gloved hands and say, “It’s okay; I’m gloved up.”

When told that this patient requires more personal protection equipment than gloves, the other correct answer is not, “I don’t have time to bother with that shit. I’m not touching him anyway.” Do you want to know how I know that this answer is incorrect? Because when you were bending over ever-so-slightly to listen to the patient’s chest using your own stethoscope instead of the dedicated isolation stethoscope, the front of your shirt poofed out just a little, and just enough to brush the side rail. The side rail that has been touched by many many gloved hands probably containing all kinds of millions of organisms that are, you know, resistant to more than quite a few antibiotics.

And the “I don’t have time to bother with that shit” comment? I did point out to you that I have to put on the gown, gloves, and mask every time I walk into the room, which was easily 1-2 times an hour, sometimes more often. For 8 hours. So you do not have to tell ME about what a pain it is to bother with it. I am well aware.

You did get one thing right. As you walked out of the room, you very correctly used the alcohol hand gel… and when I told you that the one of the organisms that the patient has does not respond to alcohol gel and that you need to also wash your hands, your snotty reply of “I know that, Geena” was a little unexpected. If you don’t even know enough to use proper isolation technique, how am I to know that you know anything else about it?

And finally, when I remind you to clean your stethoscope, your answer of, “I already did that” is not fooling me at all, because I have been watching you closely out of the corner of my eye and I know full well that not only did you not clean your stethoscope, you handled it after washing your hands, thereby contaminating yourself again. Well, it was going to happen regardless. I wish it hadn’t happened before you started putting your grubby hands all over the chart, though.

And although the pen that was sitting on the counter right next to you was my favorite pen, I threw it away after you were done “borrowing” it.

Right before I called the epidemiology nurse and told her alllll about you.